Puzzle Peace

"We don't know what the future holds, 

but we know who holds the future."

If I’ve learned anything about life, it’s that often it doesn’t turn out how we plan. While some might find this to be disappointing, I have come to find great comfort and joy in it. God is the true planner of our lives because he can see the bigger picture. We are so limited and try to plan according to the tiny puzzle piece that we can see and wrap our minds around. But God knows us better than we know ourselves and His plan is often different, but always bigger and better than we expect. Bigger than we would have confidence to pursue. Better not always immediately, but with experience and perspective adjustment. Better to fit the other puzzle pieces that we can’t keep track of or begin imagine.

            This concept has been reiterated to me time and time again. My need to control births a futile plan, plan fails, and I am challenged and thankful for what comes about. Through this process I learn, grow and trust God deeper. The most recent incident with this involves me being here at Hillsong. As you know, I have been “planning” this endeavor for several months. Now, I can say that I have heavily included and sought God in this planning. In fact, He is indeed the mastermind behind the whole thing. I want to be here, but primarily because I know He has lead me here and it is my heart’s desire to be obedient and have faith in His plan, blind faith when necessary. This being said, much of the last few months has been focused on prayer for strength to take this leap and for financial provision. I have become less and less of a planner over the years and actually more of the “wing it” type. So while praying for this journey, I did not have much concern for the details. God had made it clear that he wanted me at Hillsong in January, enough said.

            God had been speaking to me specifically about singing. That is what catapulted this journey into action back in April. I had a moment during worship where I knew God was asking me to pursue singing to some capacity, and despite my fear and inhibitions, I promised to be obedient. The knowledge of Hillsong International Leadership College fell in my lap. I navigated towards what I believed to be the “songwriting” course and got the ball rolling.  This seemed to fit what God was calling me to do in a way that I could understand based on my abilities. Writing is something I am passionate about and have some talent in doing. It involved music, but in a less threatening, “spotlight” sort of way. And I went with it. In hindsight, I recognize that this drifted from the true vision the Lord gave me. Singing was it.

            After all this time thinking I was being enrolled in the “songwriting” stream, I found out it doesn’t actually exist. I had taken different pieces of information from my communicating with the admissions office and my own understanding of the website and basically compiled my own program focused less on performance and mainly on behind the scenes writing. This fit the mold of what I could see my self doing. But it also limited God and my trust in what he wants to use me for.

            After my initial panic, I rested in the fact that God is in control. He ordains my days. He has plans to prosper me. He is with me every second of every day. Although I was a little mislead, He knew what was up. The loop I was thrown for did not encompass Him. And oh how thankful I am for that. I also think he allowed me to be a little deceived because He knows me well enough to know that I might not have had the courage to jump on board if I would have known the truth about the program from the beginning. I faced the reality that I would be a singer. Something my voice teacher has been telling me all along. And faced, once again, that God’s plans are different, and bigger than my own. And more importantly that He will give me everything I need to fulfill them for his glory.